Bittersweet Victory

Reflections on the past few months and avoiding all the L’s

I’ve decided to start writing on this platform again after a long break because this is the only space where I truly feel comfortable sharing my words openly. At the beginning of quarantine, I felt like I was in a state of panic. I went from doing stand-up shows every week and working at large-scale events to watching ANTM reruns all day and staring out my window all night. I needed a space to vent, and I didn’t have enough Instagram clout to feel encouraged to share on my IG, so I started this Newsletter. Then a crazy thing happened - I found a real job that gave me a real sense of purpose, I started meditating, the President went from being a Fascist Pig Gemini to a Lawful Good Scorpio and I watched as everyone around me just started adapting. I still haven’t gotten used to being on Zoom though, but I’m saying all this to say, is it a bad thing to feel good about life in a time like this? I watch my IG stories in a state of disbelief -seeing people pussy popping at house parties, while the other half is doing shots in Mexico is discouraging, but in my head I’m like, can I go? I’ve been trying my best to stay in as much as possible, but also, WE GOT A NEW PRESIDENT BITCH TURN UP?!?!

Who gets to experience joy in a time like this? I think election night was such a relief to everyone because it was like wow y’all the world might not be over, and personally speaking, I’m just trying to grasp onto as much hope as I can before I have to deal with the hangover. So all in all, Trump, fuck outta here we won! Let me celebrate this WIN while I still have air in my lungs and room to breathe, socially-distanced with a face mask on, of course.


While you’re in line to get that rapid test, I made a playlist to celebrate this moment of victory for us all - play it once you get your negative test results back, boo.

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- Kile Atwater