Boo-Less In Brooklyn
Music for dealing with trade and forgetting you not fucking.
I wanted to start this post by sharing a twitter quote from one of my favorite comedians, because it’s basically my life.
The thought of finding love has me going crazy. I’ve been spending most of my days lonely, looking at my ass in the mirror like maybe I should go head and start that only fans. This post is dedicated to all the single people who deleted Tinder or Grindr and is really on top it. Lord, I just got triggered by saying on top of it. Isolation can have you in your bag so I came up with a list of 5 songs by femmes to make you forget you not fucking.
Square 1 - Mahalia
Nothing makes being stuck in the friend zone sweeter than Mahalia, get into it the next time you try to have phone sex with your crush and they respond with “Nah.”
Find Someone Like You - Snoh Aalegra
I’m not straight and I would never participate in that ghetto ass sexuality. However, I would go straight for Snoh Aalegra. Turn this on while you look up weighted blankets on Amazon.
Sitting Up In This Room - Brandy
This is a Quarantine anthem, and I just realized that I’m basically the same age as the women in waiting to exhale. I don’t care what anybody says Angela Bassett should’ve won an Oscar for this.
Janet Jackson - Empty
People really need to stop playing and give Janet her things. This song basically predicted how we’re gonna have sex in 2020. Has anyone really mastered this virtual sex thing, or am I the only one trying to figure out how to turn on my mic in assless chaps.
Ashanti - What’s Love
I find myself appreciating Ashanti more and more especially in isolation. Every time I feel myself sending a 5 part text to the trade that ghosted me, and now is all of a sudden in my inbox; I turn this on and reply “K.”
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If you’re having any issues with paying your rent I highly recommend you check out this website here.
They can help you write a notarized letter to your landlord that will sound better than what I was going to write, “I ain’t paying shit.”
Also I’ll be doing a live comedy set with my Open Flame NYC fam today at 8, tune in on IG for my inappropriate jokes.
Remember you are more powerful than you know.
Kile Atwater