Good Luck Kile: Navigating Life, Loss, and Luck

your queer bestie has been through it but imma be alright. (hopefully)

Life Has Been Lifing
Hey y’all, it’s been a minute. Life has been lifing, and baby, hard times and obstacles have been a big part of my recent journey. I’ve been face to face with my adversities and they got hands. But here I am—I’m alive, I’m still standing on business, and the important thing is I wake up every day with the will to try. I don’t think my luck has run out completely by any means, but I’m realizing that we’re living in a time where hope and luck just aren’t enough. As depressing as that sounds, let’s be honest—America is a total shit show, and all we really have is each other.

Back in Amerikkka
I recently relocated back to the United States after living in Mexico City. While it was a huge blessing to be there and experience the liberation of being out of the country, I realized something very important: everywhere I go, I am still Black. My journey of liberation has to come from within because racism is a global issue, and white supremacy is a problem in both English and Spanish.

That said, I’m giving Amerikkka a cute two months before deciding if I’ll move back or not. Who knows what will happen when that crusty orange small-lipped dried-up degenerate bad-built Oompa Loompa-ass bitch gets back into office? My tolerance for bullshit has dried up, but my visa and passport are still fresh and ready to go.

Reinvention is Exhausting
I’m 33, and it feels like every three months I have to radically reinvent myself just to stay alive. It’s like, which era will I give the girls to keep the forces of oppression on their toes? It is fun and exhausting, but it’s hard to do that and also convince a tech recruiter from Denver named Olivia to hire me. We unfortunately live in a time where being multifaceted and having many talents is seen as a nuisance instead of a strength. On job interviews, it seems like they’d rather hire the white nigga who checks one box than the Black queer bitch who can design the office, curate the playlist, direct the campaign, hire the talent, light the set, film the shoot, edit it in Adobe Premiere, style the models, and do it all in a way that resonates with diverse communities and makes their company a lot of money.

So yeah—I'm unemployed AF, and now I listen to a lot more gospel music than I ever have in my life.

Love, Community, and Grindr Detox
And chile, about my love life. Well, I’m in love with the idea of love, and that’s what gets me through sometimes. The love I have for my community has carried me through my hardest days. My father passed away a few months ago, and I’m trying my best to participate in capitalism. But every day I think of him, and I have to stop myself from breaking down every now and then.

I break down at times that are inconvenient, like in the middle of job interviews, which sucks but is also mildly comical and reminds me of his sense of humor. I also think about the funeral debt that still needs to be paid, by me.

Meanwhile, I’m on Linkedin pulling out the little bit of hair I have left, asking ChatGPT to fix my resume and help me sound more employable to whatever bots they’re using to scan my qualifications. And at this point, I might just cosplay as a Tesla robot—that might generate more leads.

But then, every time I feel like going postal and robbing 1000 banks, something funny happens. My homegirl gives me a call. Or I text my friends in Mexico City, who wish me well and remind me that I’m still fly. The good news is, I don’t use Grindr as much as I used to. I have queer relationships now that are centered on care and comfort—relationships that go beyond the superficial questions like, Who’s a top? or Who’s a bottom? Now it’s more like, What’s in your heart? And at this point in my life, compassion is what I need most, and those relationships are what I’m most proud of.

No Luck, Just Community
So with all that being said—whew chile, I know that’s a lot. When people ask how I’m doing, I say, “As long as I have a voice, legs, and air, I’ll keep going.” Because that’s something no one can ever take away from me. (Unless they invent an app for that—knock on wood.) So don’t wish me good luck. If you see me, just hold space for my nervous laughter and my weird jokes. Let’s have a coffee in an area that used to be affordable and now is not, and talk, because I know you’re going through it too. And I don’t need luck. I don’t think any of us do. What we need is community—now more than ever.

So, as we move through this wild world, let’s have each others back like chiroprac. Let’s continue laughing, crying, and showing up for one another. Because luck won’t save us—but we will.